The Mom Ache

I want to be a mom. I ache for it. I so badly want to hear a voice, any voice, call out “MOM!” and it be for me. 

Since I am a 30 year-old, single woman, you would think I would be longing for a husband, but honestly, I’m not. I think the idea of having someone to come home to is nice, but I don’t ache for someone to call me “Baby” and to hold my hand…well, I don’t ache for that today. It has been a while since I watched a sappy chick flick, though. 

Before you start reminding me of how young I am, and how I have plenty of time to adopt, with or without a husband, before you tell me that I have no idea what God has in store for me, and how you have a friend who knows a lady who didn’t get married until she was 37 and she had a baby at 39…please, just don’t. 

I know. I know that I’m not old. I know that there’s time. I know that I don’t know what God has in store for me. I know, but that knowledge does not take away the ache. 

So, instead of wallowing in the ache, I focus that energy on the children in front of me. I love my students like they are my own children. I praise them and encourage them and comfort them and scold them. I pour myself out every day, doing whatever it takes to make sure my kids here at Cookson know they are loved, both the kids I teach daily and the kids I spend time with outside of school. 

And apparently I’m doing something right.

“Dear Ms. Allsbury, 

Thanks for being such a funny, nerdy, and lovable teacher to me and all the other students. I think you are a great addition to this school, and I’m glad your here. You always take care of us like we’re your own kids. Here's a complementary smilley face to brighten your day.

                                                                                     Sincerely and with love, 

                                                                                                      💙💙💙💙💙💙”

With many tears, I put my desire for children at the feet of Jesus. I have decided to trust him, and whether or not anyone ever calls me Mom, I know my God is good and he loves me. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13